BellyDanceDailyDrills Shopping

A dating coaching client, Sarah, called me recently to say she wants to get started meeting people again. She is divorced, 54 and hasn’t spent much time looking to date since she’s been focusing on her career. Now ready dive into the dating pool, Sarah asked what would be a good first outing.

I thought that was a great question and one I hear frequently as an over 40 dating coach.

Much depends on Sarah’s attitude and outlook. And where she live determines the type and quantity of events available.

My number one recommend is to attend a singles dances. They are usually low cost, low risk and available in almost any location. And if you like to dance – potentially fun! Singles dances don’t require any commitment – you just show up and dance when asked. It’s so simple.

But here’s where the attitude comes in…

To make the most of the event, here are some tips that will make all the difference. These tips are all about your attitude at the dance and how you interact with men.

1. Stand at the edge of the dance floor with a smile, tap your foot and look ready to go. Don’t cling to your girlfriends. Walk around or stand near the dance floor by yourself part of the time to make it easy for men to approach you.

2. Say “Yes” to as many men as possible. Other men are watching how you respond and who you reject before they approach you. Men don’t like to be rejected so they look for women who seem low risk and friendly. So be nice!

3. Don’t expect to meet the man of your dreams – just appreciate meeting new people. This is a great opportunity to get used to the singles scene again and get your feet wet at a low pressure event.
The more experience you have, the more comfortable you’ll be maneuvering at singles events. Appearing comfortable signals you feel confident which is a very attractive quality.

4. Be as friendly as possible to everyone you meet – you never know who those people might know! I met my husband because I was nice when I met his sister. She liked me enough to suggest a blind date with her brother! Everyone there might have a son, nephew, brother, colleague, neighbor, uncle, father, etc. who they could introduce you to.

5. If you danced a few times – think of it as a good night and be willing to go again! Someone new will attend each event so give things more than one attempt before you cross it off your “dance card.”

Personally, I dated three guys who I met at singles dances. And yet, before I got out there on my dating journey with the right attitude – I hated dances! No one ever asked me to dance and I rarely met anyone.

Why is that? Because I stood against the wall with my girlfriends and complained the whole night. Not very attractive. Plus, I didn’t make it easy for the men to approach me since I was rarely alone.

Attitude and outlook are everything on the singles scene.

Smile, be friendly and decide that you are open to meeting new people. Then, let it go and see what happens. Deny your preconceived notions and just be willing to go with the flow. This is the best recipe for enjoying singles dances which are a wonderful re-entry to the dating scene.

Do you know how to dance? Do you wish that you did? Dancing often becomes a central part of dating. It can be a loss to your social life when someone asks you to dance and you have to say…”I don’t know how.”

Taking dance classes was a major part of my childhood. In fact, I took so many lessons, singing and dancing became my job. I went to “work” when I was three. You name the event or gathering, and my mother had me there to perform, day or night. She made sure I was ready, in my homemade costume, my Shirley Temple curly-top hair, and my tap shoes. When I was good, I was probably just OK, but when I was bad, I was dreadful. I didn’t really know it at the time, however, since the audience was filled with relatives and friends. They applauded anyway.

If you are single and you want to date more, I highly recommend that you learn to dance. In fact, it may mean the difference between dating and not dating. The following are some suggestions to help you find your dancing feet:

*Find a person or school to teach you how to dance.

Look in the phone book or ask your friends for the name of a good dance school. If you can’t afford that, ask your dancing friends to teach you. Schools offer specials all the time and you can get a few lessons in before you decide to commit to a program.

*Don’t stop learning from just one friend.

Once you get started, ask your dancing friends if they will teach you what they know and practice steps with you.

*Party time.

Have a “dance” party at your house. Pair good dancers with those who can’t dance as well. Ask people to bring their favorite music.

*Get out of the house.

Once you get started and feel somewhat confident, go to some dance clubs with some of your friends. Dancing takes practice. The more practice you get, the more confident you become.

*Ask some of your older relatives to teach you to dance.

Dancing was popular with the generations that went before. Besides, you will also make an older person very happy if you ask them for help.

Dancing gives you energy, lightens you up, and is a healthy exercise. Watch your spirits shift to being more positive once you get involved.

Dancing is no longer one of my jobs, but I recently started taking lessons again. The fun and familiarity of dancing kicked in the minute the music started. (It helps that they play those “oldies.”) However–I’m sure my relatives are glad they don’t have to come and watch anymore.